A funny thing happened once my sensual side was sparked, or as I put it in my last post, reanimated. The pheremones apparently are flowing again.
I went to Mt. Rainier for a couple of days of wildflower peeping and walking. I got there late the first night, slept well, enjoyed acquainting myself with the lodge at Paradise, and got up and out early for a walk in the morning mist. I lucked out, second week in August, to find the wildflower bloom still at peak. I'd never witnessed that and felt I'd put myself into a little bit of heaven, which was just what I needed after burying my cat a couple of days before and saying farewell to my dying neighbor before driving up the mountain.
That afternoon I went out walking again and found that a man about my age seemed to be trailing along and stopping when I stopped and, indeed, he started chatting with me as I was taking photographs. Pleasant enough, but I felt my boundaries firming up and after walking a ways I bid him farewell and went into the Inn. He followed "to see if it was as he remembered" but then left me alone.
Back home I discovered a phone call from a fellow who belongs to an organization I'm a member of but who I don't know at all except to say hello to when I see him. Last time I did that I saw something light up in him. Now anyone who knows me knows I'm no femme fatale. But I think any of us, when we are animated and feeling our best, have a different effect on others than when we're, say, idling in neutral.
Then a day or so ago I was walking downtown when I ran into another fellow I know. I crossed the street to say hi and we chatted amiably for a few moments. As I said goodbye we shared a hug as we usually do. But as I stepped away he reached for me, hugged me again, and put a sweet little kiss on my lips - something he'd never done before.
So all I'm saying here is this: I had put myself to bed, so to speak, sensually, some years ago after one too many unpleasant experiences with men. I'd grown comfortably independent to the degree that I felt "this was it" and I was 99.9% sure that I would never feel these feelings again. I'm overweight, out of shape, trying my best to work on those things, but most certainly past my physical prime on the exterior at least. And yet...a fellow touched me about a month ago and I have felt reanimated, happier, more complete ever since. And now it seems I'm passing a little of that joy along. May it continue.
Post Script: 26 November 2011
Happy to note that I've lost 20 pounds since I wrote this, in a healthy, slow way. When it snowed on monday and the roads weren't good I walked uptown, about 2 miles uphill from me, and I did it in good time, feeling strong all the way. That would not have been true a year ago. This day after Thanksgiving I'm feeling very grateful for good health and increasing fitness!